Margaret Dawn Pepper – Conceptual Artist

A Discussion About Transgender Issues Addressed in Art

Oct 13, 2009

Maurice Pepper, born 1944, became Margaret Pepper in 2004. As a child Maurice knew he was different. As an adult Margaret is addressing transgender issues through her art

The years between Maurice's birth in 1944 and his sex change in 2002 have not been easy. Maurice, now Margaret, spoke to Suite101 about her gender dysphoria, gender reassignment surgery, and how she addresses transgenderism through her paintings. Margaret says she hopes her story will help people understand her art.

Growing up With Gender Dysphoria Cross-Dressing

Margaret: "I was about five… I found my mother's bra. I can see it now, pink, like silk, I just had to have it, I didn't understand it at the time."

"As a child I was very confused. As a teenager I was completely fascinated by it. I searched local shops for books on psychology but there was nothing, it was a completely hidden subject."

S101: This must have been a dreadful time for you. Did these feelings affect your relationship with your family?

"Not really, I got on well with my parents. When I was about twelve mum found me in a dress. We never talked about it, I couldn't express myself. I had the urge to do it but kept it under control."

"Yes, I liked girls, I considered myself straight. The two parts of me were like chalk and cheese, it didn't make any sense."

Marriage and Transsexualism

S101: What may surprise readers is that in 1967 you married and had five children. Did your family know about your feelings?

"Not until I told them, by then I was 47. The point was I lived a normal male life until the whole thing fell apart."

"She went up the wall. We were very compatible and never really argued about anything. But this time, we really argued. Her father was ill, she was menopausal and depressed… we were very hard up."

S101: When did you realise that the gender dysphoria you had suffered for so long was a recognised condition?

"In the 80s there was a television programme, "John Roberts Becomes Julia Grant". It dawned on me, this is me. I realised there was another world out there."

Gender Reassignment Surgery

S101: When did you decide to let the transsexualism take its course and go for counselling and gender reassignment surgery?

"In 2002 I was on my own. My wife was ill with Alzheimer's and went into hospital. She went in and I came out! I saw my doctor, couldn't get an appointment at a gender clinic for months, so I rang Russell Reid, (consultant psychiatrist, now retired) and got an appointment within three weeks. It was private, I paid, but it was money well spent.

"I now shopped as a woman, but worked as a man in the office. So each day I kept changing, male/female, male/female. You can't do that for long, it does your head in. I went to see Reid as a woman, he understood immediately. I'd seen four psychiatrists in 1991. They hadn't the remotest clue what I was talking about. By 2002 I'd worked it out for myself. Reid said "you want the hormones?" Within half an hour I was at the pharmacy."

"My confidence grew. On holiday I dressed as a woman for eleven days. Back at work, my boss said, "you don't look well, if you've got personal problems we can talk about them". I told him, "I'm changing sex." His first reaction was that he'd have to see someone in Human Resources about it. I just went to work as a woman straight away."

S101: Coming back to your surgery – were you scared? How much did it all cost?

"I was terrified! It cost £9,500. I spent £12,000 in total. I could have gone to Thailand, but chose a private hospital in Brighton and stayed eight weeks in a bed and breakfast place recovering. It went like clockwork."

"It was 1976, a really bad year. My mother died suddenly, cancer of the liver, within two weeks she was dead, she was 59. My business failed. My father was an amateur artist, painting as a way of escape, so I thought I'd try it, but I stopped after a couple of months. I hadn’t realised how hard it was.

"I started again in 1994 when I was unemployed. I did a few pictures but took another job and stopped again until 2004. My wife was in residential care, I'd had surgery seven months before, and I wasn't working. For the first time in my life I was really happy and started painting again, first landscapes, then ideas and transgender subjects."

"I like Rembrandt, Joseph Wright of Derby, Turner, Constable, Thomas Dugdale, John Singer Sargent, Thomas Lawrence."

S101: Finally, what direction would you like to see your art taking in the future?

"You're asking me what ambitions I've got? I'd like to be respected as a serious artist."

More Information

More of Margaret's paintings can be seen at her online gallery Conceptual Painting.

The copyright of the article Margaret Dawn Pepper – Conceptual Artist in Transgenderism is owned by Frances Spiegel. Permission to republish Margaret Dawn Pepper – Conceptual Artist in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.